can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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