Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
