I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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