They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God, you're like boner-b-gone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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