Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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