ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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