Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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