I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
