she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
