Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They are going to name an STD after you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
