Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
