Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
