Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
