I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just pee around me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
