After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
