Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
