I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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