Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
