Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
