Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
