dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
