Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
