I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
