I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
