im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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