I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
