How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my poor anus
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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