I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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