We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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