I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
