You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
