the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
