come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
