Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
