Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize