i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
