at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
