I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
