what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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