Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
