Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We need to get me chipped asap
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
