Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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