she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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