How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.