If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS