You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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