Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus