She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.