Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize