I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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