I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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