if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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