Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
