no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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