got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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