My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
