3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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