I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
