its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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