The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
