I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
