Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
