You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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