I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you would pick up someone in the library
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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