mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
