Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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