I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
