Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
