got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
