i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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