I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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