no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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