i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
