i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
