The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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