he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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