took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
