I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
