and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
