but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
